ACTION WORDS

Remember


by R.H.
September 2008

 

I remember turning 22 and was full of energy and life. My mother threw me a birthday party. That’s where I thought I met the man of my dreams. He was kind of short and well-built. He was very attractive, had a nice smile, and he seemed to be interested in me.

I began to converse with him and found him even more interesting. Oh, my, was he everything that I wanted. I had a few dates with him and started taking rides to his apartment. Ok, single man, own place, good job, attractive, and interested in me. Who could want more?

About three months into our relationship, I became pregnant with my first child. I was ecstatic. When I told him, things changed. He began to act differently. He wanted me to be silent about my pregnancy. Something was not quite right. I later found out that he was married with two daughters, and I was very hurt.

After the birth of my son, his wife found out and divorced him. Now, he was ready to be with me. Isn’t that funny? I later found out that he was addicted to cocaine. He would use it during our intimate moments. I found that to be something I would like to try. He never stopped me. Instead, he said to only do this when we were together. “Right,” I said. So, I continued using powder cocaine and loved it.

About one year later, he was doing something different. He was putting powder cocaine in the marijuana. Oh, boy, was I ready to jump right into anything to keep him at home with me. Big mistake.

As time went by, I went to crack cocaine itself. Ok, game over. Life over. Time for prayer. I fell off track, lost him, lost my apartment, quit school, and quit my job. I lost interest in everything and everyone. I was no longer that vibrant, ready-to-succeed young girl. I became a self-destructive, no-thought-for-anyone-else kind of person. It was just my drugs and me.

Six years have passed and now I sit in prison doing an 18-month sentence for possession of cocaine. Who would have thought? Not me.

I remember coming in pregnant, not wanting to change because I thought I couldn’t. That’s a lie. I began to ask God to help me. I began to use my time in a positive way, really digging deep within myself to find who I am. Today, I am 12 days away from my release. My time has turned into an Answered Prayer. I’m on my way out of here totally ready to a change.

Had it not been for my God and the support of some women here and a will to change, I would be the same old me. I’m leaving here with no regret of my past because it’s brought me to a positive future. I’m proud of myself today. I’m continuing my Journey of Success by going to a recovery program on my own, in order to better me as a person and to better myself as a mother, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, and aunt.

God knew what He was doing when he put His hand in the mess I was creating. My prayer has been answered. No more pain, much more to gain. It’s ok for tears to get past my fears. Greatness is ahead as I make a new bed. My future is to achieve, because today I believe. Thank God for a second chance. Now it’s for Him I will dance.